ravi207's Xanga

sad

Thu, 05 Nov 2009 04:53:20 GMT

I was going to write about why i'm sad and the verge of tears... but then I forgot what to write.

I actually would love to cry right now and release these emotions.

I never finish these damn xanga entries

and they're always so damn emo!

To be or not to be...

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 08:07:07 GMT

a bitch.

That is the question.

I just thought the title would be witty.

Anyways, pride was fun. I marched with the human rights campaign.

Met a lot of cool new people. And got to see people I only see once a year.

Met people who are my friends online and not in person.

It was a glorious sunny day.

Maybe it's a sign............... Because it totally rained last year on pride. And that is when me and my ex were starting to fall apart.... ooo epiphany

Now the sunny day and I marched in the gay parade...

what a glorious optomistic epiphany.

diwali installment 3

Sun, 25 Oct 2009 01:54:41 GMT

I totally can't keep the diwali thing going so this is more of a joke than anything... but I'm soo gonna update after studying for my microbio test... :P like in 30 minutes.

diwali installment 2

Sun, 18 Oct 2009 07:12:00 GMT

let me start out by saying how much I adore gary because he is a cutejew. He hates that I call him cutejew, but you know what he's gonna have to get over it. If he doesn't get over it, then well that sucks for him... i'm just not going to visit him in New York. Problem solved.

I also adore a certain boy by the SN of masecam. He's one of the sweetest people i've met online. Maybe it's a texas thing. I dunno.

Anyways, so I've been so BIPOLAR lately. Not in a disease/psychological abnormal illness sense, but in a mental attitude to life. I go from being super positive to super negative in like 2 seconds... so weird.

Like i'm all positive and I love life and yayyy life, I love it! It's so great. Things are really going great. I love being dependent on just me and that's it and I love going to the gym and having good friends, etc. etc.
Then like an hour later i'm like dude, guys suck. Life sucks. MY LIFE sucks.

Haha, it's kinda funny but really sad too. :(

So,......... I don't know what i want to do in life. And I just copy-pasted everything I wrote because of the horrific thing that happened yesterday.
Ok 60 seconds later I still don't know what I wnat to do in life. It is something that I've been contemplating for the last couple of months. I was so set on being a physician and then I explored a little. Maybe I should've just sat in my cave. Well, I've come up with other options such as nursing school, or physician's assistant schools. Of course all have their pros and cons, but I am figuring out what I want to do.

I would love to be a physician, i'm just nervous about the odds of it actually happening. I just hear too many stories about people never getting in and everything. I would hope I'm academically-capable and everything... who knows... Maybe i'm not realistic and always idealistic. If I go for anything other than medical school then I might regret not going for it but then I get scared going for medical school. It's a hateful cycle.

I also still hate gay men 120 seconds later... I had a conversation with this guy I like about how disheartening it is that gay relationships usually dont last and when they do there is usually someone who wants to cheat and even if they don't there is still like a distrust. He got really offended. He had been with this guy for 3 years and never cheated on him. O well sorry for offending him. Gay guys still suck. He's bisexual tho, so maybe that's why he didnt' cheat! Lol. I forgot to tell him that.

I HAVE MY FIRST RACE TOMORROW!! YAY AIDS 5K RUN!!!

diwali

Sat, 17 Oct 2009 08:00:32 GMT

happy diwali

i am fishing for compliments right now but not getting any

sad day..

oh yea and i came out about 3 years ago around this time

good
so i had a long story and i by mistake backspaced it and im super mad so i'm not retyping it

anyways, enjoy the moment. slow down. spend time wisely. don't get attached to wordly desires.

guys suck don't trust them.

goodnight :)

Atlanta Flood

Mon, 21 Sep 2009 20:35:26 GMT

It's flooding all over Georgia!!!

http://www.twicsy.com/?search=%23atlflood&sort=date

i'm a mess again

Sat, 19 Sep 2009 06:13:03 GMT

Most people who know me what probably not suspect that I am not liking the course of my life. But, then again, I place way too much pressure on myself not to succumb and then I realize that I did succumb to temptations of life.............................

Discipline is probably the hardest thing for me; to always do what I say and what I feel.
Sticking to my commitments, reaching my goals... having accomplishments.

I always have goals.
I need to reach them now.

4inthemorning

Mon, 31 Aug 2009 07:21:18 GMT

4:00 seems to be the best time for me to write for some reason. At least I didn't take like 2 months this time. I guess it's because everyone's asleep and there's no one here to distract me. I can have my solitary time of peace and over-analyzation and let it flow through my fingers as if i'm talking to fish. I've noticed though that if I say something out loud, I realize things much more quickly. I should get a fish to talk to... or maybe I should just have video blogs. I've been meaning to make a video. Ugh, too much on my list of things to do... so many books to read, so many podcasts to listen to, so many runs to run, so many textbooks to absorb, so many friends to learn about, so many subjects to acquire knowledge, so many experiences to have, so many moments to cherish... so many amazing views to remember....

I still feel young, I suppose. Although 21 to me, is still young, 20 is so very old. I don't know why. I feel weird that i'm still a virgin sometimes, but then when I get busy it doesnt' seem like a big deal anymore. It never was or never will be a big deal to me, but sex is such a big deal to everyone else. I don't really understand it. TMI, I guess. No, not really TMI. I think I need to be more open about sexuality. It takes the taboo off of it; the stigma.

I am gonna call adam, because he's a sweet boy. :)

Ahhh... if only things were perfect.

Schools ok I guess. I am getting more focused. I got a lot of work done today and I'm thinking of starting this week by waking up in a few hours and studying early. :)

*Sigh* I hate clinginess, but I miss someone that I haven't been able to talk to in a couple of days. I am getting better with the not being clingy thing. I'm begining to gain a self-esteem and self-confidence instead of my usual... insecurity.......................................

:) Oh and Molly has been such an amazing friend always! I appreciate her so much. I love spending time with her. And she keeps me in check. Love her!

I'm a slackin'

Wed, 19 Aug 2009 05:15:41 GMT

I want to write. I honestly just want to pour my heart out and say all the things I can't say. Flow out and type all the things I can't verbalize. I just don't have anything to write about. I'm a' goin' with the flow. I'm a slackin'. I do keep a new type of blog. A dailybooth photoblog where I take a picture of myself everyday. I enjoy taking pictures of myself yes.

But therapeutically I want to analyze, critically observe, and think about an issue and write out / ponderize until I come up with a solution.

I don't know whether i'm too busy to care or whether I've just learned all my..... no I can't finish this sentence with the word lessons. There will always be lessons and learning and self-improvement. But I guess I've refined my character to a point where I'm becoming happier with myself.

I've apparently been hearing that I'm getting into shape... not that i'm noticing it myself. I've been going to the gym almost everyday. I moved downtown to a new dorm and the gym is like a block away so I've been running 3 miles almost everyday. I use to look at people who ran 3 miles everyday with admiration, but it's hard to fathom that I've become one of those people. I guess i'm motivated to do well at the Aids Walk Run on October 18.

I've started a new semester of new classes... biochemistry, medical neuroanatomy, and microbiology; all of which seem to be very difficult. Who knows though, maybe it'll be a fun challenge. Well, no, I know it will be great! I'm interested in all of these things.

I think I write best in the dark. The city lights are shining behind the blinds that are all the way down. My roommates are either... not here or sleeping. Sounds are kept to a minimum. Movements are sensitivily heard... all I'm focusing on is my thoughts, recollection, soulful self-spending time...

I will write again soon.

~Raveesh Kumar Batra

Summer Recap

Fri, 07 Aug 2009 02:55:23 GMT

Blah! It's been so long since I've updated. I've barely said anything all summer. Sucks. I hope I don't look back and wonder... wonder what I did this summer, because I didn't blog about it. At least I have my little dailybooth thing that will kind of help. I need to add the link somewhere on the top of the page where it can stay there, because the "most updated picture" is on an entry right now.

So this summer... what did I do?

Good question!

I took Animal biology lecture and lab and an online class called medical terminology for healthcare. It was a flashcard-based class, and it was really easy. I ended up with a 97 in that.

I was so happy today because I somehow made a 91 on my animal bio lab and now i'm just waiting for my animal bio lecture grade.

I also did some HRC volunteering here and there. I'm still the Steering Committee Community Events co-chair. We're planning our annual golf event. Right after, i'll be getting ready for pride.

Something else exciting I did is I'm helping start up a student-run free health clinic called PEACH. (Prevention, Education, and Community Health). It's really exciting and we're doing a health fair soon. So that'll be busy.

Fall semester is coming up and i'm moving back downtown this time to the Georgia State Lofts. Freshman year I lived in the Commons and this dorm building is slightly closer to the gym.

Oh yea and I am getting fit this summer! I have been eating a lot of veggies and fruits and started a jogging program. I'm up to jogging 20 minutes at a time with the end goal of 30. 2 more weeks until I reach that! :)